Life truly is a journey and not a destination!  Even though I’ve written and spoken these words, this phrase, numerous times I find it funny how it always surprises me when my journey takes me back to what feels like the starting line.  Making a bold statement to me that I had the nerve to think I had arrived.

Even though it’s not the same starting line each time, there are similarities to one another.  For me, the common thread would be body image.   I created my best body, and my strength in self and mind seemed unstoppable.  When conditions changed, when my body was taken down, the body image work I thought I had arrived at suddenly wasn’t so strong.  When I looked the way I wanted to, total confidence.  When that started to go away, doubt and insecurities.

I do not look like I want to.  I do not feel the way I want to.  This is not me, yet it is.  How do I love myself for all of who I am, when I’m not exactly who I am?  These are the questions I’m grappling with as I also heal some serious metabolic damage from my autoimmune disease and competing.

I’m ready to be in a place of vulnerability with our fitness community at Hell Bent.  It’s been a long time coming, but I think there is part of my journey, whether I look the fitness part or not, that can inspire you and I know YOU will all inspire me to keep moving.  I’ve been at this latest pit-stop just a little too long.

I am Jill.  I am enough.  I am healing…my mind, my body, my soul.

 

 

I like to define words according to what they mean to me.  Have you ever noticed that we tend to speak the same words as those around us AND even though there may be an Oxford definition, since people all have their own filters of words based on personal experiences, we end up on different pages because of our definitions?

Well, here is what my definitions of FREEDOM and DISCIPLINE were back in 2005.

FREEDOM: the ability to try/do anything, unbound, stress-free, follow my own beat, I decide, “yes”

DISCIPLINE: keeping on task, day-to-day mundane schedules, focused, study, ‘to-do’ lists, ‘no’

I would say that I still define them similarly today.  The change I am having in 2013 is that I am acting on these definitions differently.  In 2005 I weighed 170 pounds, was searching for the quick fixes to give me my freedom, and really floundering.  I tried to deny taking care of ‘boring’ everyday business or taking care of myself.  I became so focused on the results, having variety, not getting stuck doing the same thing day in and day out that it was sucking the life, and freedom, out of me.

I thought that if I kept following my to do lists and being so rigid in my schedules, that I was somehow giving up being free.  As I learned to master more of my fear based filters and became more aware, I realized that following discipline was not giving up anything…I was making a choice.  A choice to take care of what needed my attention, so that I could move on and free up the space in my head, around my home, with my children, and more.  I learned how to make consistent CHOICES that were empowering and holding me accountable for what I really wanted!  I got the focus I wanted instead of trying to figure out how to be ‘free’.

It turns out, choice is the only thing any of us really have control over.  We can’t control the weather…or other people…or the circumstances that life throws us.  We can, however control our response and choice in any given situation.

Many people hit those plateaus in their workouts and healthy lifestyles they have started.  They get to the point they’ve always been before and think, ‘well here it is!  Again, just when I get in a groove, life throws this at me!’ Come on…I’ve been there.  I know this happens.  I also know you have a CHOICE.  A choice to let it consume and stop you…giving you the evidence needed to affirm your deepest fear…that success is not yours for the taking OR A CHOICE to say, NO…I will not accept giving in this time.  A CHOICE to stay consistent and see what you’re made of.  Fear stops us ALL THE TIME and we don’t even know it.  We’re on auto-pilot in a way that stifles our freedom.

Now is the time for you to embrace your daily ‘to-do’s’.  Choose to do them.  Choose to follow through on your workouts.  Choose to continue to move through what holds you back.  In creating your discipline, it will free up space for you to do all the things you never thought you’d have time for!

People think I’m a little crazy (I used to, too) for getting up at 4:00am 6 days a week to get my own workout in.  I CHOOSE this so I can keep to my promise and discipline to building my everyday body.  Although I still have fear based thoughts that show up, I continue to act on my commitment.  My discovery?  That in doing this one act of discipline, I realized that before doing my 4:00am workouts I had many unconscious space being used up in my mind about when I’d get it done…excuses that held me from working out…blah, blah, blah!  Now, I get it done and voila…FREEDOM!

Join us for consistent effort by coming to 3 HIIT sessions a week.  Always leave a day in between for your body to rest.  On those days you can get a little extra vitamin D with an outdoor walk, run, or ride!

Cheers to FREEDOM!

I’ll see you soon…

Jill

My journey into fitness has been a long one…and one that still continues and always will!

Growing up I was fit, active, and a dancer.  The problem…did not learn the proper nutrition that fuels the body or the difference weight training makes in developing a healthy body.  I grew up with an obese father and what we today call a ‘skinny fat’ mother.  You see, many people see what people look like on the outside and if they are thin, think “Oh, they are fit”.  Not necessarily true. A person can be within their scale weight, but carrying a large percentage of body fat making them at risk.

This brings me to Summer of 2011.  I had lost about 30 pounds at that point and was feeling good about being able to fit into my size 8 clothes.  After a friend of mine convinced me I should tap into my long gone days of dance by trying out for the Swarm Performance Team, I finally took Jason up on his constant nudges to get my booty in the weight room.  I wanted to look like the dancers and be able to feel comfortable trying out showing my mid-riff and backside.  We had 12 weeks…

I went from this…..

To this…

Well, I didn’t make the team, but fell IN LOVE with weight training the difference I saw in such a short period of time.  I needed a new goal.  But what??  I came across some posts from a fellow personal trainer friend of Jason’s and how she was transforming her body.  I saw the pictures and read about her road to figure competing.  WOW!  Could I do this, though?  Did I have the will power…the drive?  What was I made of… I soon found out!  I decided to train for my first bikini competition last April 2012.  I had 11 weeks…

This is what happened:

So, I’m here to tell you that anything is possible and everything towards creating the body and life you want takes just the first step.  Things don’t happen overnight…they shouldn’t.  I’ve become SO strong on the INSIDE and that has made all the difference.  I know what I’m made of…I know things will be hard and I can push through.

Are you ready to start your journey with me?  What do you have to lose besides fat and excuses?

I’ll see you at the studio!

Jill